My epilepsy story…

It all started on a Monday, back in 2014.

I woke up feeling a little confused. My phone ringing like crazy and I had no idea why. When I answered, I discovered I was late to some meetings with my university friends so I went to the bathroom to get quickly ready and leave the room. The first weird thing I noticed that morning was a bump on my head. It wasn’t painful but not normal for sure. I didn’t mind that much and decided to go out anyways.

After some hours, another friend called to ask me why I wasn’t at her house yet. was I supposed to be? Apparently, yes.  We had to study together that day but I completely forgot about it. I told her I wasn’t feeling too good and that I preferred to go home. She had no idea of what was going on but for some reason, she begged me to go to the hospital. I don’t know if you believe in destiny or things like that, but at the exact moment she said it, I was walking right in front of it. I thought “why not”, let’s give it a try.

In the waiting room they asked me all the possible questions: -did you get drunk yesterday?-

-You did some drugs?-

-Someone drugged you?-

I was so embarrassed. I wouldn’t be there If I knew that the problem was that I just drank too much. Don’t you think?

Two hours later, they made me enter and started running all the exams. The next morning the results were back: Nothing was wrong with me. So, what happened? They guessed it could be epilepsy and asked me to see a specialist in the next few days.

When I got home and saw my purple eye, I felt even more stupid. They are not sure about what happened because all test are clear but for sure something went wrong last night.

While I was thinking that, my roommate entered. I kindly asked her if she noticed something weird two nights before. She started to get nervous and to say sorry.

“You fell from the bed and started shaking. I didn’t know what to do so I just left you there. After a while, you got on your bed again so I fell back to sleep”

…….

ok. I get it. People react in different ways when they are scared but seriously, a little empathy? Calling someone? Telling me the day after? NO? Nothing.

The good thing is that knowing that, I went to my visit with the specialist with more details and then she had no doubt about what I had. It could only be epilepsy.

I started to get medication every day and I am really lucky because it works. When I don’t take them, symptoms come back.  So I will have to take them forever.

It’s not that bad. I heard worst stories than mine. I share my experience just because what happened to my roommate shouldn’t happen again. Don’t let yourself get caught in fear. If you don’t know how to help someone, at least call someone else.

Here are some tips on how to react to this type of situations.

Have you ever experienced this on your skin o with a sibling or friend? I would be happy to read your experiences 🙂

The Italian version.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I don’t want to travel anymore…

Because I fall in love so easily. Of the city, the people, the food and sometimes even of myself.

I leave a piece of my heart in every place that I go and even if sometimes it feels like “home is nowhere”, the big problem is when “home” is everywhere. Because I felt in a safe place here. I felt it there. Anywhere I go I think I can be happy. But it depends on who I am with or what I am doing. I still can’t be happy being completely by myself. (Which is weird if you take into consideration my introvert personality. I love to be in a quiet room with nobody else but my random thoughts.)

It’s not only the skyline or the smell of freshly baked bread that makes me get butterflies in my belly. It’s also the people with the stories they carry and that they give me as a present. To influence me somehow and expecting me to influence them too.

I just don’t understand why is it so hard everytime that silhouette changes and I get disoriented. The smell of croissants in the morning turns into traffic smog. The little countryside becomes a chaotic big city. I learned to love both of them. I forget how to say goodbye every time.

Some people call it “inverted cultural shock” but for me is just unrequited love. The city stairs at me in the distance and doesn’t care about how many tears I cry for her. She stays there and looks at me with that twisted smile because she knows I will come back to her someday!

The smells might change and the people will eventually move. So what exactly I am still falling in love with? It’s a whole package. When you travel you get an “all or nothing” ticket with no refunds.

I shouldn’t get too sad about it. we get used to everything. To good moments that we wish we could capture in a motion film but also, and most of all, to abscence. The kind of empty hole that only the best moments of your life could have left you behind.

And I need to be honest: I am looking forward to feeling many more of those. It will just mean that I am alive and doing what I love.

Where will I be when I am 31? And who will be discovering it with me?

Maybe nobody if I really decide not to travel anymore…because I love too much!

 

A neverending journey of self discovery…

I am leaving this beautiful city with an empty space somewhere inside my body or soul.

A hole that should be fulfilled with at least 90% of self-awareness (or 100% if you believe perfection exists in human kinds personality). But instead those few little things I thought I knew about myself are now basically one: I don’t know who I am a or what I want to be in the future.

I mean, we all grew up wanting to be a ballerina, a truck driver or an astronaut. Some of us actually made it. All the others are probably just doing some part-time job wondering why life went that way.

Well, I don’t want this ending for me.

In my head, I was a police officer, a vet, a Doctor and sometimes just a very good waitress. I still have no clear path and even if sometimes society screams at me that I should “finish my studies”, “keep a steady job” or “raise a kid all day”, luckily I just want to be happy. And that is exactly the hard part of it.

How can you be happy if that means going against what everybody else wants for you?

Sometimes it feels more like me trying to discover what I can do that others will accept, more than looking for what I really enjoy doing.

And the interesting thing is all this started the first day I arrived here. Something magical started to happen.

Maybe the fact that I am surrounded by people that are here to achieve something for themselves and that after some trial and error finally found their passion.

That’s the kind of person I want to be. Ok, that’s a thing I know about myself now. 1) Passion

They came here from other countries because they understand the importance of multicultural exchange in a personal development.

So, the second thing I know about myself now is: 2) Travelling 

But not only going on vacation. Travelling puts you in a very difficult situation of confronting to people different from you and doing stuff that maybe you never did before. So the third thing is: 3) Facing challenges and new perspectives

And when you go through this situations you learn something really important:                4) Compassion, empathy

I think I am getting at a good point here. The real question is: how can all this be thrown together into the labor market? I mean, this sounds really great but is not bringing me any food on my plate.

For now, I will accept this as it is. After almost two months I can’t expect to find out all the answers to how the world is run.

At least, now I know what are the fuels that run me.

 

 

 

Free like a bird…

That is how they want us to feel during the 15/30 minutes flight over a beautiful city like Salzburg.

And how else could you feel when you are 1500mt above sea level, floating and weightless.

The feelings of excitement the night before; The nervous 5 minutes before you start and the panic in the exact same moment you need to run over a mountain and let yourself get driven by the wind.

Then every fear disappears. You are flying.

Every problem is left under your shoes. There is no yesterday and no tomorrow. You just live the moment and hope for it to last forever!

The view is just breathtaking. The sky, the clouds, the trees with different colors and shapes. And the city that you were used to walking around is now just a big part of a perfect picture.

But is not only a relaxing flight. Adrenaline will run through your veins and it will feel like a thousand butterflies were fighting inside of your stomach. When you start swirling down and going from right to left without compassion, you will understand that life is a rollercoaster and absolutely the best ride you have ever been on!

Suddenly your feets will touch the ground but, believe me, your mind will never get back from up there. Your heart and soul know belong forever to the wind. Who knows if we will ever have the chance to have a cup of tea in the clouds again. I left some cookies there for the next passengers.

By now you probably are thinking: “yes, I need to do it someday”

Well, my suggestion is: pick a day and make it happen…Of course, the weather should be looked up beforehand but with nature is mainly a matter of luck! 😉

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Flytandem for the great work and the love they shared.

Here is a short film of my own experience.

Thanks for reading ❤

How I overcome my fear of pubblic speaking…or almost!

I am coming back home from 4 days of conference.

 

The first question should be: why were you in a conference if you are afraid of speaking in public?

The fact is that I was asked if I wanted to facilitate some sessions and I said yes because I love helping people.

When I realized what was I supposed to do (talk in front of 70 people)  it was too late to say no.

I spent the next 3 days just worrying about it. Then 2 days actually preparing my self to do the presentations.

The actual day of the presentations everybody could feel that something was wrong with me. I was so nervous. People didn’t know anything about me. They were just expecting me to deliver a speech and be good at it.

But how can you be good at it when the first time you spoke in public you cried in front of everyone?

And I was so scared that it might happen again that I needed to let my audience know what were the risks.

Luckily young students that strive to achieve “peace and fulfillment of humankind’s potential” while facing challenging environments are very opened and understanding towards this kind of issues.

So, even if I closed myself in a room for hours to reflect on how bad I did my speeches, I felt the most amazing feeling afterward.

Gratitude:

1)for the people that gave me this opportunity and believed in me.

2)for the plenary that embraced my weaknesses and went over it to understand what was my message.

Receiving compliments and hugs from the delegates meant everything to me and made me understand one thing: I want to keep doing this because in order to overcome a fear you need to put yourself in that situation as many times as you need till it gets as natural as breathing!

I will need to practice and it will be hard but it has been a long journey since my first presentation and I am ready to embrace all the opportunities that will come!!!

 

 

Quando l’amore bussa alla tua porta…

 

E la magia entra nella tua vita.

La monotonia, la tristezza e a volte anche la solitudine spariscono in quel momento in cui lo vedi per la prima volta.

Non sai chi è e non importa perchè le prime parole e il primo sorriso bastano per cadere nella trappola.

Non dimenticherai quella confusa sensazione di “mi sembra di conoscerlo da una vita”, ma in realtà vi siete solo detti -ciao,com’è andato il viaggio?-.

Il viaggio è stato terribile. Glielo dici solo per cercare di essere simpatica ma poi cominci a raccontargli di tutto e di piu perchè quando gli parli lui ti guarda, annuisce, fa domande e sembra veramente interessato alla tua vita.

Quando lui comincia a parlarti della sua e di tutte le cose che ha imparato tu rimani estasiata.  Vorresti sapere tutto e lui non ha nessun problema a raccontarti tutto perchè si diverte sentendosi intelligente e utile.

Cosi comincia un ballo silenzioso tra voi due. Non c’è musica ma ci sono passi che si sincronizzano meglio ogni giorno che passa. Si parte con il piede destro e si finisce con le lenzuola aggrovigliate a due corpi pieni di sudore che profuma di timidezza.

Una musica che va da semplice sinfonia a folle, movimentato rock.

Poi quei piccoli momenti si trasformano in vere e proprie giornate. Non sapete piu quale sia casa vostra visto che passate piu tempo da lui che in qualunque altra parte.

Ma sai che prima o poi finirà. Succede sempre cosi. La speranza di un amore eterno l’hai persa tanto tempo fa.

Quindi non vi rimane altro che approfittare di quei momenti che rimangono, finchè rimangono.

E quando finirà penserai di nuovo che non troverai mai un’altra persona cosi…

Ma prima o poi,mentre aspetti una corriera, qualcuno ti chiederà se sai verso dove va e tu non solo gli risponderai ma te lo porterai con te a casa(ovunque essa sia) visto che per te “casa” è dove ci sarà la sua compagnia.

 

 

Falling is not the problem…

The problem is when you don’t get back up!

Being afraid is one of the most natural instincts that human beings have. It’s supposed to be like this otherwise we would all be dead.

But sometimes we think that we are alive but we really are kind of dead: locked inside our small, normal and boring life.

You are capable of doing great things. You can change your life and may also change other peoples lives.

What stops you from doing it? What scares you so much?

Falling, failing, getting humiliated or who knows what else.

I totally understand that…but are you really willing to lose the opportunity of experimenting happiness? Because that is what happens when you stop trying. You start to feel sad, incomplete and empty.

Don’t you think it’s worth a try? At least one more time?

Yes, sure, you might fail again but guess what: you might conquer it!!!

So please, don’t give up now. You might be just one step from your goal.

please….try just one more time!