Finally, the moment has arrived.
After all these years hearing people tell me that I will never find someone like me, yesterday I went on a date.
A special kind of date.
The awkward moment when we have to find each other in the middle of a crowded square; When we have to introduce ourselves; And, of course, when we have to figure out where to eat or drink something.
Apart from that, the night was just perfect. We found a very greasy, hamburger spot, with a table-football.
We got along from the beginning and had to ask/answer the ritual questions: “what do you study/work;” “how is your family” etc…
Then, with no warning or notifications, he drops the bomb: “when did you find out you were like this”
*if you need to understand what “this” means, please go back to my other post!
So, I was there, with my mouth full of meat and chips, and almost choke for the surprise.
me: -well, I think I have always felt I was “different”. When you are young you get a lot of pressure to do and enjoy those things…but, even if I tried, 10 years have passed and I still can’t find the fun part of it.”
Two beautiful green eyes stare at me and he smiles.
Me-“what about you?”-
Him-” yes, me too. I had some good and bad moments. I fell madly in love with a girl that chose someone else; Then I had a relationship with a girl that at a certain point asked me to “go deeper” and I was just not interested. We broke up after it. My 20s were over and all my male friends were always talking about how hot was that girl or how badly they fucked last night. I had to carry on the masquerade and pretend like I was into that too. I like to be nacked in the sofa with my partner, you know? Just not interested in going all the way through it.”
me: -“Yes, I totally understand. After a 3-year relationship, I know that I love being with a person around. Getting home and knowing that he will be there. Cook together; Watch tv shows and go on adventures. But for him it was different. He had “needs” that I couldn’t keep up to. I tried, and I would keep doing it for love. It’s just that for once I would like to have a person loving me for who I am and not for how many times a week we can do it…”
It was hard and weird to openly talk about this with someone that actually understood. The night passed so fast.
It was amazing.
We played, had some drinks, and talked a lot about adventures, traveling and love.
This was just a first step towards what I call my “self-discovering journey”.
I don’t want to hide anymore. I do not want to lie to my partner or feel forced to do things that I don’t want. This is not a healthy relationship.
I really hope I get to meet many other people and someday we will be able to speak about this openly with family, friends and even co-workers. ( I tried to open up with a male coworker and things got really bad. He says that I am crazy and that everybody needs sex to fulfill their lives) -.-
Yup, I really hope that someday this kind of conversations won’t exist anymore.
This is why I am sharing my story and the ones of many other people out there.
I believe that, as long as you don’t hurt another human being, you are free to love who and how you want!